TW: oldschool transphobia
The thing about “don’t use x term for x group” is this discussion really only exists online. Offline, there are many predominantly older people who identify in extremely individual ways that they spent decades fighting to be, that now get told they can’t
I know trans men that call themselves lesbians for so many reasons – maybe they never go on T or get any surgeries because its an intrinsic part of their identity and who they are to have the body they do – it bears scars of being in punchups with skinheads and police violence.
They never had the freedom to choose which identity they were – they were dykes for decades before we were born, and they’ve led the Pride parade with Dykes On Bikes and let countless queer women find safe haven in their home and cared for so many gay men as they died in the 80s.
They weren’t able to call themselves transgender. The language didn’t exist. The internet didn’t exist – I can’t stress how small each of our worlds was back then, how the flow of information was so slow and sterile. The idea of BEING transgender/queer DID NOT EXIST for so many.
You’ll see many older trans people that identify as ‘crossdressers’ or have zero intention of medical transition. They’re too old for surgery or too poor or discovered they were trans yesterday. They have ZERO idea wtf a truscum is, they have never heard the term transtrender.
Some get 2 hours a week that they get to wear the clothes they want to, then its back to being an elderly person with a homophobic/transphobic manager and family. Some get fired anyway for misunderstanding who can see what on FB – and older people don’t get employed again easily.
If a trans guy said they were a guy to a medical professional back then, they got put in an insane asylum. I know a guy this happened to. He’s not even that old. Once the asylum was shut down – the only escape – he accessed T by trading E with trans women in the same situation.
He is poor as shit, and he has dedicated his life and money to helping young trans men that come to the support groups he runs and tell him “You’re not allowed to say FtM anymore” and he has that term tattooed in his flesh as a medal of “fuck you” to society.
I know elderly trans women who are the epitome of grace and fire, for whom the term “transexual” was freedom from a cage. They, when given space, patiently point out to me that they are trans-sexual, not trans-gender, as they have always been the gender they are – woman.
Please educate and inform cis people of what the current expectations of them are in the current time in terms of terminology and thought. But you cannot then look back over your shoulder and say “oh and all the trans people that came before me – change your offensive identity”
The online community young trans people have access to is literally life saving, I know from experience. But I implore you to go to your local trans support group, and listen. Don’t interrupt someone – they know their identity better than you. See, and hear, and think.
You will learn so much. You will find things that sit uncomfortably with you, and these are amazing opportunities to confront your internalised transphobia. You may find people you feel might not represent The Community how you want to be represented- what a great time to reflect
on the importance of making space for every nuance and facet of our community, and consider ways that you may not have realised of being more inclusive of everyone. You may see people that might come across as ‘shameful’ to you – and hearing their story, you may come to
understand that the only way they are alive today is by doing whatever it took to survive, however ugly. You may come to the realisation that literally every trans-aware medical professional was taught from the ground up by these elders, who had to literally beg for treatment.
And, hopefully, you will come to find deep and meaningful connection and kinship with people older, wiser, sillier and stronger than us.
Please don’t tell them what they are.
While you’re here, I wrote a similar thread delving into the mental health stats of transmasculine folk and why they stand out from other LGBTIQ identities. This may help you frame older trans masc people in a new light.
TW: everything around depression+++
[link to another thread here]
Adding here – if you feel like an older person is offending you with their outdated language, assume they’ve never heard of twitter or any conversations we have here, and say something like “have you heard why some people don’t use x anymore?”
They’re usually excited to learn.
(If a t*rf shows up, consider not engaging – we have such a wholesome discussion happening here and you deserve better than spending time and energy on someone who won’t listen ♥)
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