thanks for pointing this out – Beltainefaerie's Flights of Fancy

patrexes:

cottoncandyliz:

patrexes:

mmm ngl the posts going around rn about how you’re not supposed to have to do shit for yr partner (phrased in the context of like, Making Sure Your Boyfriend Has Showered, etc) are all well meaning and indicative of a very real problem in men refusing to take care of themselves or learn how to exist in the real world,

but also how the posts are all phrased feel astoundingly alienating as a disabled person whose wife, like, does need to help me with a lot of “basic” tasks many people could do on their own.

like, sure, my wife isn’t obligated to do any of that and they weren’t obligated to marry me or date me in the first place but in doing so part of what they signed on for was being a carer, and we talked about that in as many words too, and i really wish anyone talking about the fact you shouldnt be constantly expected in any and every relationship to take care of your partner would acknowledge that that doesn’t mean relationships where that’s needed aren’t, like, inherently toxic or shitty. because people can consent to that kind of dynamic. some disabled people need carers! disabled people are human beings who are allowed to have relationships! if i have to read another post that says “if you’re the only one who does the dishes you need to leave your partner” i’m gonna fucking scream

Thats a really valid criticism if that’s what people need, but so far most of what I’ve seen is mroe getting at the point that you shouldn’t have to be a carer for someone who is perfectly able to do so for themselves but chooses not to anyway

yes, see, reread the first paragraph of this post, where i said explicitly that it contained a very valid critique of a very real issue but how it’s talked about is ableist

eta: if yr reaction to a criticism of implicitly bigoted discourse is basically ‘don’t be so sensitive’ you’re doing activism wrong