Image description: on the left, an Amazon review of a dildo, saying “It has become my cockatiel’s favorite perch in the shower and it will stick to any flat surface. It’s a bit small for me, but I guess it’s my bird’s dildo now.” On the right, a close-up of a very happy cockatiel (!) standing on a pink dildo.
“what was it like 400 years ago?” fuck if i know. i don’t even remember what it was like last week.
catch me procrastinating basic tasks for twenty times longer
“oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to get around to fixing that window, but I’ve just been so busy, y’know?”
“you’ve lived here since 1740″
MMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Walking through a museum and seeing some old things of yours and just going “FUCK. FUCK GOD DAMN IT, I’ve been looking for this forEVER” and then trying to haggle with the curator to get your shit back
when I try to hear this in my head my mental voice is incapable of pronouncing it fast enough to fit the timing of the line
“noooo oooone… adjksjfksfjslenry like Gaston!”
and when I try to fit it to one of the longer such lines, my mental voice becomes too confused about conflicting scansion to continue
no one’s droll like gaston no one’s swole like gaston no one fits his assigned gender role like gaston
I’m especially fond of the paaaatriaaarchy
My what a guy that gastooon
Bless you for making it scan
NOW I CAN’T READ IT WITHOUT SINGING IN MY HEAD
No one’s droll like Gaston, No one’s swole like Gaston, No one fits his assigned gender role like Gaston! For there’s no one online half as phony, His tinder’s got dick pics to spare, You can ask any neckbeard or brony They’ll show you (no homo) whose trilby they’d wear! No one drawls like Gaston Or catcalls like Gaston, Or manspreads on the train in a sprawl like Gaston! I’m especially fond of the paaaatriaaarchy! My what a guy that Gastooon!
It just kicked the everloving shit out of the duck for threatening you, and wishes you a good, creative day. You are Safe Now.
this is the idea chicken
she lays an idea egg every day whether you use it or not
idea eggs will be plentiful for you because the world is a vast and fascinating source of ideas and you don’t need luck or blog voodoo to have them for breakfast every morning
Couldn’t risk not sharing this with my followers. These dinosaurs in the reblogs are very reassuring.
Eggs.
The is the only luck post I will ever fucking reblog.
Oh god. I hear them through the open window. The weather has begun to turn mild, bringing with it the familiar, and terrifying sounds of spring. A few at first, then more begin to arrive. Their calls are smug, a reminder that winter had been just a brief reprieve from their chaos and violence. The final traces of snow melts away, and you know. Elsewhere, a softly chirping robin will mark this change of seasons. Not here. No, here we know true fear.
Beltainefaerie's Flights of Fancy 