PETA: They’d rather spend their money on publicity campaigns than on the animals in their care. PETA killed 73.8% of the animals in their care in 2015 (x)
FCKH8: Is a for-profit company that exploits oppressed groups for money. They’re also wildly uninformed, and spread misogyny, cissexism and bi/panphobia, as well as stealing their posts/designs (x)
Autism Speaks: They spend most of their money on researching a way to eliminate autism, heighten the stigma against autism and don’t have a single autistic person on their board (x)
Please support other, better charities, and feel free to add any others you can think of to this.
Susan G. Komen for the Cure: CEO makes insane amounts of money, they deny a lot of requests for wigs/help with treatment/etc., and have attempted to sue other charities that use the color pink as part of their anti-breast cancer campaign. ( xxx )
The Salvation Army: They promote the hatred of LGBT+ people, work with fundamentalist Christian groups to support conservative politics and rip off and exploit workers. ( xxx )
Wounded Warrior: They take money that should be spent on veterans and blow it on huge opulent parties for the company bigwigs. 26 million in 2014 alone wasted! ( xxx )
^ Important reminder to NOT waste any money donating to these groups
Reblogging because of the added info about Wounded Warrior.
A good way to know if a nonprofit you’re donating to is allocating their money in the right way is to check out their Charity Navigator rating: http://www.charitynavigator.org
Signal boosting, the bell ringers are out in force, and this info is too important.
“Oh yeah, every time that dad forgets mom is dead, we head to the cemetery so he can see her gravestone.”
WHAT. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard some version of this awful story. Stop taking people with dementia to the cemetery. Seriously. I cringe every single time someone tells me about their “plan” to remind a loved one that their loved one is dead.
I also hear this a lot: “I keep reminding mom that her sister is dead, and sometimes she recalls it once I’ve said it.” That’s still not a good thing. Why are we trying to force people to remember that their loved ones have passed away?
If your loved one with dementia has lost track of their timeline, and forgotten that a loved one is dead, don’t remind them. What’s the point of reintroducing that kind of pain? Here’s the thing: they will forget again, and they will ask again. You’re never, ever, ever, going to “convince” them of something permanently.
Instead, do this:
“Dad, where do you think mom is?”
When he tells you the answer, repeat that answer to him and assert that it sounds correct. For example, if he says, “I think mom is at work,” say, “Yes, that sounds right, I think she must be at work.” If he says, “I think she passed away,” say, “Yes, she passed away.”
People like the answer that they gave you. Also, it takes you off the hook to “come up with something” that satisfies them. Then, twenty minutes later, when they ask where mom is, repeat what they originally told you.
I support this sentiment. Repeatedly reminding someone with faulty memory that a loved one has died isn’t a kindness, it’s a cruelty. They have to relieve the loss every time, even if they don’t remember the grief 15 minutes later.
In other words, don’t try to impose your timeline on them in order to make yourself feel better. Correcting an afflicted dementia patient will not cure them. They won’t magically return to your ‘real world’. No matter how much you might want them to.
It’s a kindness of old age, forgetting. Life can be very painful. Don’t be the one ripping off the bandage every single time.
The Hypnosis community (if one could call it a community as a whole as opposed to breaking it into site or location based groups) has a slight image issue. Many sites take a very dim view of it (mostly due to payment processors having issues). The biggest issue that comes up is consent and people using hypnosis to push consent.
When I introduce or teach people about hypnosis I am surprised by how many people don’t really know about how to ask for consent well. So I felt like giving my checklist of how to ask for consent and negotiate a scene.
Now while these are in the form of questions they are more sub-headings. Each of these sections can be one to ten questions depending on the answers given by both parties.
1) Can I hypnotize you? This is the most basic question and of course if you get an answer of no you should move onto a different topic of conversation.
2) Do you want this to have any erotic themes or undertones? Again, this is important. Trance is not linked to eroticism and this is something people can forget when they have a fetish. This is used to inform your plan of what to do during the session
3) Is it okay if I do X with you? This question is one you should repeat with everything you plan to do. Honestly everything. Having everything laid out in advance allows you to make sure everything is mutually agreed to.
4) Can I touch you during this? Again you should split this question into parts, finding out where you can touch. I tend to always ask for consent to touch the arms and shoulders in case the person flops or rolls into an awkward position, it means if needs be I can easily help and guide them into a better physical position.
5) Do you have any specific names or pronouns you would prefer me to use during this? Now in general conversation you should have already got their usual pronouns as a matter of common decency but some people may wish for alternatives to be used during the activity itself.
6) Do you have any words/ideas/images/names I should avoid? This again is very useful. I, for instance hate having the back of my neck touched and wouldn’t be too pleased if someone did it.
7) Do you have anything you want to ask or discuss? Very often I see people negotiating one way and the person being tranced gets steamrollered into answering what the hypnotist wants. If the person has been quiet this question gives them the chance to raise any issues or ask any questions they might have on their mind.
I do realize that I write this from the perspective of the hypnotist, mostly because I seem to teach them more frequently. But when I am a subject I still will ask these questions to the hypnotist.
Remember, consent is the very basis of what we do and hopefully by all of us embracing and making sure we get full consent with agency for everything we do we can try and undo many of the negative images other people have of our community.
A Jew is a Jew is a Jew. This is why we can’t piss and moan amongst ourselves about ‘valid’ conversions and other such nonsense. Gatekeeping in the Jewish community is a shitshow.
It turns out his remarks were badly mistranslated and taken out of context:
I can’t link to the original post because I’m on mobile, sorry.
Please register online if you aren’t already. Check your registration and your friends. Lots of people don’t have much time left to register! Don’t wait until the last minute!
but what are some sundown towns do y’all know of? like if someone were to do a cross-country trip, what are some towns they should absolutely not go through?
Small towns in south ga and noth fla
Ga: Jonesboro, tifton, Albany, valdosta, Macon
Fla: Gainesville, Perry, Madison, Marianna, Quincy, Jefferson county, hell I wouldn’t stop in Tallahassee either
Texas: Vidor, Orange, Deep Santa Fe
Texas: Jasper & Lumberton
I’m from Albany and recently the police beat up a young brother for no reason. They were attempting to say he had drugs but he of course had nothing.
If you go to Stone Mountain and find yourself on the trails close to night leave because they still have active Klan rallys up there
I was driving through north Florida during the day and I felt uncomfortable
The Negro Motorist Green Book was guide for black folk traveling in the 60s. It’s gives a breakdown of sundown towns. 50 years later, I’m sure it’s still relevant.
I feel like the Deep South is just a gamble.
Ohio…just in general
Central Florida, especially the little towns. If you must stop to pump gas, pay away the pump and get outta there asap
Once you get out of St. Louis county start being careful.
St. Genevieve, MO is definitely a no go for me if I’m traveling south.
If traveling in Louisiana stay away from small town with low speeding zones. If you are to go into those please drive the speed limit and don’t stop for gas. You will get a ticket for tint of your car. If your military I pay you drive the speed limit and don’t have a military tag. Get gas in the daylight.
I’m glad you’re looking out for your bros, at the same time it’s a pathetic look at the country in the 21st century.
Saving this and reblogging for myself and my tumblr fam stay safe love you guys (also check the notes for comments on more cities to avoid)
Ohio: Hartville, Sebring, Salem are all in NE Ohio. Had the worst experience of my life in Hartville.
Mississippi. Just. All of it. Especially if you’re LGBT and a POC.
one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have.
no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation.
no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying.
no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.
no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.
a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age.
Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse.
I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships.
The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery.
If it wasn’t stated outright – it wasn’t said.
It’s important to communicate this frankly, too. Make it clear that you can’t know or respond to their concerns unless they actually bring them up. Be proactive in telling the people you care about that you need them to tell you when something’s wrong, and that you’ll listen.
I also want to bring up that passive-aggressive behaviour and a heavy reliance on subtext can itself be a toxic coping mechanism in response to a fear of not being listened to when talking about things directly –
normalizing actual direct communication
creates a safe space for everyone. It’s good for your loved ones too when you set boundaries around this and follow through on your commitment to have these conversations.
I hope y’all supporting Black Lightning just as much as y’all plan on supporting Black Panther. Don’t let a tv show about a black superhero get low ratings, tune in fam.
HEY WHITE NERDS THIS GOES FOR US TOO LETS SHOW THE FUCK UP
There’s a very low likelihood that actually watching the show is gonna drive up ratings because, unless you’ve gone through the super-invasive process of volunteering for and subsequently getting a Nielsen box, the network doesn’t know you’re watching.
Here are some good ways to show support instead!
Tweet about the show. Nielsen not only tracks how many people are tweeting, it tracks how many people see those tweets. This information is passed onto the networks as a measure of audience engagement–and the CW wants its shows to have devoted fans, since the odds of its shows ever achieving massive, more casual success are slim.
Visit the show’s website. The site tracks who’s visiting which parts. While watching the new episodes there is good, visit for other reasons, too–if you watch bonus content and click around the site, the CW will notice that folks are getting really into it.
Read about the show on high-profile websites. Critical acclaim is a big deal in this day and age, and while there’s no way you can garuntee that, you can insentivize sites likely to give that acclaim to write about the show. The more readers articles about Black Lightning get, the more articles about Black Lightning are likely to get written, and the CW will love the attention.
I’ve written more
about Sherlock Holmes than the man who created him.
Books, fan
fiction, articles, essays; more than three quarter of a million words.
The thing is, I
almost stopped so many times. Because I write professionally, people pay me to
write about flu jabs and saving for retirement but they didn’t pay me to write
hundreds of thousands of words of Sherlock fan fiction.
So I tried
quitting. Tried to focus on ‘real’ writing. Yet every time I turned in an
article on feral cats or baby colic, I’d start another chapter on another fic,
muttering I shouldn’t be doing this, this
isn’t paying the bills. I was always promising myself I’d quit.
I didn’t though,
and there was a reason for that: Writing fic about men in love and lust made me
happy. Giddy happy. Excited happy. Run round the room fist-bumping myself
happy.
Yet, because I’m
duller than the average deducing bear, I still tried to stop. Each time I did,
I’d grouse and grumble, and each time my friend Tony would encourage me to keep
going.
And yet, like
some sort of over-dramatic consulting detective, I’d lament: “But fan
fiction doesn’t earn me a living!”
Finally, Tony
responded with the two best words in the history of best words.
“So
what?”
*Blink* *Blink* So…………what?
Oh my. Oh my yes.
So the hell what?
Sure, maybe being
part of a fandom like Star Wars or Sherlock or Supernatural, maybe having a passion for writing fan fiction or
drawing fan art isn’t bringing a pay check. Well generally neither does petting
a kitten, going to the cinema, or having sex, and yet we manage to do and
delight in all of these things, finding fulfillment and joy.
That’s what
Tony’s so what taught me. Joy is
enough. Finding joy in a fandom is enough. Yet beyond that, being part of a fandom, drawing, writing, meeting people,
well these things give so. many. other. things.
A community. A
place to share ideas. A place to find new ones. A place to fan the flames of
your passion.
And that passion,
oh it’s powerful. With passion you write more, draw more, edit more fan vids.
And when that happens, something beautiful happens.
You get better.
Then better still.
If you’re me you
write even more stories and then you finally, finally, finally pitch a Sherlock Holmes book to a publisher.
And get accepted.
Without fic and
the Sherlock fandom, without years of encouragement from readers and fellow
writers, I might not have bestirred my damn butt from its metaphorical chair
and approached that publisher. I’d already pitched books to publishers you see
and like every writer I had a stack of rejections.
Then Jayantika
Ganguly, a Sherlockian friend, one day said to me, “I’d like to introduce
you to someone. You should pitch something to him. He publishes Sherlock Holmes
books.”
So, because
people loved my AO3 fic Well Met,
I pitched the publisher a book based on that concept. The Day They Met came out in 2015, The Night They Met was published a year later,both books inspired by that fan fiction.
Writing and
reading fic changes things. It changes you. It has power.
Let it power you.
This is an abridged version of
an article written originally for Powers of
Expression. Wendy C Fries also writes as Atlin Merrick.
Beltainefaerie's Flights of Fancy 