Consent And Negotiation

deeperforme:

hypnoticharlequin:

The Hypnosis community (if one could call it a community as a whole as opposed to breaking it into site or location based groups) has a slight image issue. Many sites take a very dim view of it (mostly due to payment processors having issues). The biggest issue that comes up is consent and people using hypnosis to push consent.

When I introduce or teach people about hypnosis I am surprised by how many people don’t really know about how to ask for consent well. So I felt like giving my checklist of how to ask for consent and negotiate a scene.

Now while these are in the form of questions they are more sub-headings. Each of these sections can be one to ten questions depending on the answers given by both parties.

1) Can I hypnotize you? This is the most basic question and of course if you get an answer of no you should move onto a different topic of conversation.

2) Do you want this to have any erotic themes or undertones? Again, this is important. Trance is not linked to eroticism and this is something people can forget when they have a fetish. This is used to inform your plan of what to do during the session

3) Is it okay if I do X with you? This question is one you should repeat with everything you plan to do. Honestly everything. Having everything laid out in advance allows you to make sure everything is mutually agreed to.

4) Can I touch you during this? Again you should split this question into parts, finding out where you can touch. I tend to always ask for consent to touch the arms and shoulders in case the person flops or rolls into an awkward position, it means if needs be I can easily help and guide them into a better physical position.

5) Do you have any specific names or pronouns you would prefer me to use during this? Now in general conversation you should have already got their usual pronouns as a matter of common decency but some people may wish for alternatives to be used during the activity itself.

6) Do you have any words/ideas/images/names I should avoid? This again is very useful. I, for instance hate having the back of my neck touched and wouldn’t be too pleased if someone did it.

7) Do you have anything you want to ask or discuss? Very often I see people negotiating one way and the person being tranced gets steamrollered into answering what the hypnotist wants. If the person has been quiet this question gives them the chance to raise any issues or ask any questions they might have on their mind.

I do realize that I write this from the perspective of the hypnotist, mostly because I seem to teach them more frequently. But when I am a subject I still will ask these questions to the hypnotist.

Remember, consent is the very basis of what we do and hopefully by all of us embracing and making sure we get full consent with agency for everything we do we can try and undo many of the negative images other people have of our community.

Really good!

I Am The Third Gender You Fear

aftertheworldends:

“[V]iolence against women is a form of
gender-based violence that is committed against women because they are women.” ~ Council Of Europe

Is it okay to do harm to women for not conforming to the stereotypes
assigned to them?

Is it okay to react with violence towards women who are not being
mindful of men’s comfort, power, or feelings?

Is it okay to enforce a position of dependence or subjugation for women,
and threaten financial, physical, or emotional retribution when a woman fights
against her chains?

Is it okay for women to not know their place?

But we’ve talked about all that, haven’t we?

These should have been questions with easy answers, but those who were
so firmly against the “dangerous” Istanbul Convention failed to understand the
real issue: violence against women is specific and distinct from violence
against the person. The Convention would have combated the root of the
problem, not given a man a slap on the wrist after he had burned his
ex-girlfriend’s face off with acid.

If everything was already fine, there wouldn’t be a need to sabotage a
measure which protects women – protecting women would already be in accordance
with the country’s goals. If the tools we had in place were working, we
wouldn’t be having thousands of women trapped in abusive relationships; all the
women in our lives wouldn’t have been able to tell countless stories of
harassment, abuse, rape, or other forms of women-specific violence.

Women-specific violence.

She was raped because she didn’t let him have her in the first place –
and satisfying him is a woman’s obligation.

She was hit because she burned his dinner – and cooking is a woman’s
obligation.

She was stomped on because she asked him where he’d been – and that is
not a woman’s business.

She was locked in her room because she was tired of him stinking of
alcohol – and telling him what to do is not a woman’s place.

She had her “allowance” taken away because she spent some time out with
her friends – and having a life outside her husband’s grasp is not a woman’s right.

I am the third gender you fear.

Keep reading

eatingcroutons:

roofeggguy:

mxdiscourse:

discoursegrips:

roofeggguy:

holy shit literal children should not be taught abt sex and preteens that do experience sexual attraction have no privilege over their peers who might experience it later or not at all

ok but leaving the discourse behind, sex education is actually really important though??? i mean, my elementary school taught that so sex wouldn’t be a stigmatized thing for in the future

literal children are already taught about sex, i don’t understand. in my elementary school, in 4th grade we were taught about “”“male and female”“” development and “urges” we would feel. in 5th grade, we saw actual pictures of naked adult bodies, and in 6th grade we were taught about “types” of sex and protection and pregnancy.

my parents gave me a book targeted at 7-12 year olds that also taught about sex and the body and sex organs and shit like that, like. this post is objectively bad. education from a young age is good and important for the destigmatization of sex in society. i don’t understand, is there a point you hadn’t made clear that i’m misunderstanding, maybe?

let’s not show nudes to ten year olds what fucking school did you go to

learning abt puberty =/= learning about how to fuck and 110 versions of asexuality

I… wha… where the hell were you raised that you think there’s something wrong with kids knowing what a naked body looks like? What century is this?

Sex education isn’t just learning about puberty; it’s learning about sex, relationships and consent, and it’s goddamn important even for children.

I started having sexual fantasies when I was 4 years old; I just didn’t know what they were at the time, or why they made me feel strangely good. My Mum gave me my first book on sex and sexual health when I was 8, but by that time I’d already heard years’ worth of playground rumours about “sex” ranging from the improbable to the downright terrifying, and had at least one inappropriate physical encounter with another child. It’s much better for kids to be taught healthy and safe attitudes to their own sexual development – physiological and mental – than for them run off fifth-hand misconceptions they pick up from equally clueless kids.

I’m not saying we should be teaching five-year-olds about reverse cowgirl. I’m saying it’s never too early to teach kids messages like, “If she’s not having fun you have to stop.” I’m saying most kids have some awareness that sex and sexuality exist, even if they don’t fully understand what those things are. I’m saying some kids have feelings about getting physical with other people from a very early age. I was particularly precocious, but the average age people start experiencing sexual attraction is 10 years old.

And I’m saying that all of these things are why it’s crucially important to give kids the tools and information they need to contextualise and process their understanding of sex and sexuality, both in terms of their own possible sexual identities (all possible sexual identities), and of course in terms of consent and bodily autonomy.

Apart from anything else, we’ve seen proof that this makes kids safer in terms of identifying and reporting sexual abuse. The puritan myth that kids live in some magical fairyland isolated from any conception of sex or sexuality literally causes harm to children. You’re not protecting them from dangerous information, you’re depriving them of information and support they need to safely contextualise their experiences and feelings.

Teaching kids about sex is not the same thing as encouraging kids to have sex. That is literally the exact same bullshit argument that religious fundamentalists use to try to justify abstinence-only sex ed.

(Some sources nabbed from @lauralot89‘s masterpost here)

There is a training called Our Whole Lives (OWL) that deals with appropriate sex and health training which can have a religious component or not and is inclusive of LGBT in addition to het sex. It starts in kindergarten and goes through older adults and is designed to give people the tools they need to understand themselves, their bodies, their sexuality and their health as developmentally appropriate, because the sex ed you need in Kindy is not at all the same as what you need at 14 or 35 or 50. My gf is trained in the high school one. It is amazing and I can’t believe I don’t see tons about it on Tumblr.