“But I’m warning you, I’m kind of a brat.” “No you’re not. You’re just a girl who hasn’t had firm boundaries and desperately needs them.”
This was a few years ago, in my baby sub days. I had been kind of bratty in past relationships, but this Dom was not one to tolerate it. I worried he wouldn’t like me. But it turns out that he was right about me. I had always been bratty because I had a deep need for structure that had never been met. I was bratty because I was clawing for boundaries that weren’t there. I teased because it felt like the only way to be thrown down and ravaged. I intentionally broke rules because it felt like the only way I’d feel that tight control closing in on me. I wasn’t a brat; I was a submissive who craved deep and unrelenting dominance. Ownership. I just didn’t know how to get it.
Now that I understand what I need, I can mostly quell those bratty impulses. When I need to feel my Dominant’s control, I say so in a meta talk. I ask how I can serve. I ask permission for things (and sometimes hope for a “no”). I give my Dominant opportunities to lead. I find ways to feel those firm boundaries within my role, rather than stepping out of it.
But part of me thinks there is still value in brattiness—not in outright disobedience, but maybe in close calls. You approach the electrified fence. You hear the hum. You use something to test it. Maybe you get a quick zap, just to know it’s there and working. But you don’t barrel through the fence. Gently testing the boundaries can be a comforting reminder that they are there and strong. You are submitting to something, not just making it up in your head. A little brattiness can also signal confidence in the dynamic. It’s only when you know the leash is there that you can tug on it a little.
That’s the key—a little. There’s a rush of connection from being put in your place, but it wears off. And then you’re left in a worse place than when you started. It can be tempting to push at the boundaries, especially when you desperately need to feel them. But brattiness is not giving your Dominant opportunities to lead. You cannot disobey your way to firm boundaries and deep ownership. Playfulness is one thing, but intentional disobedience is toxic to the dynamic. Instead, you lean in. You ask permission. You have open, honest conversations about what you need and what is missing. Brattiness may make a spark, but it’s rarely enough to build a fire.
It has taken me some time to figure it out. But no, I’m not a brat. I like to say that I’m a good girl…96.2% of the time.
The precision of that 96.2% made me chuckle. The money shot: “You cannot disobey your way to firm boundaries and deep ownership. Playfulness is one thing, but intentional disobedience is toxic to the dynamic.”
I wrote a johnlock fic a while back with brattiness not achieving the desired results. Bad Behaviour.
straight people mad at “gays only event” jokes like they dont restrict blood donations, hotels, schools, jobs, and adoption. Zzzzzzzzzz
yeah but that’s to keep blood clean you’re just tryna exclude people to be rude
Straight people aren’t doing any restrictions for blood donations because of your sexuality, they restrict donation based on your participation in anal sex regardless of orientation. That is what they ask you, they don’t ask if you’re gay they ask if you have engaged in or regularly engage in anal sex because it has a higher rate of transferring the kinds of communicable diseases they can’t accept in blood samples. So everyone, not just the gays, who fucks people in the butt is not donating blood.
Literally what the fuck are you talking about?
SO Y’ALL CAN JUST TALK WITHOUT USING LITERALLY FACTS NOW??? THAT’S REALLY COOL ZXDFCGVHBJNK
Anyway here are the real ass facts:
-It is 100% a ban on MSM blood…. Not that “its about all anal sex” bullshit…. That is how it has been since 1985 when the FDA put a ban on anyone that had “participated in MSM sexual contact since 1975″
-This regulation was changed to just a 12 month deferral which is still honestly bullshit (this includes long term relationships) Here is what the Current blood donor questionaire looks like
-What does this mean for blood donation? It means 360,000 otherwise eligible donors cannot donate. That is 615,000 pints of blood that could save the lives of 1 million people, unable to donate because of sexual orientation and/or sexual conduct (x)
-The real kicker in this ban is that the Red Cross (the leader in blood donation/blood drive) screens all blood that is donated for infectious diseases before it is admitted to blood banks (x)
-The FDA’s ban on MSM blood is doing off more harm than good. I have friends who have been put into uncomfortable and even dangerous situations because of Blood Drives, friends who have been outed because of people asking for blood donations, and even in it’s broadest sense, the Blood Ban promotes homophobia and serophobia and a deadly combination of the two.
TL;DR: Before you talk about the blood ban (whether you support it, are against it, whatever) Know what you’re saying because it affects real people in very real ways.
Imagine living in the year 2018 and thinking that blood donation restrictions on gay men are anything other than outright homophobia. The Straights are WILD!
And if they made the qualification ‘have had unprotected anal sex in the last 12 months’ if that higher risk activity is what they are really worried about, it would be a whole different population they are excluding. Like, if it is the bareback anal population you need to exclude for extra super safety despite screenings, then just ask that! Then it isn’t homophobic and I bet cuts across a lot of sexualities (though I can’t honestly say how the #s of suddenly ineligible donors would change. It might be a similar # just different people)
something that’s annoying about the whole corporate pride merch discourse is how people respond like “oh so i can’t buy a rainbow shirt now??” etc. But, firstly, no one is saying that. If buying a pride shirt from somewhere like amazon or target is all you’re able to afford or that’s available in your area, then obviously feel free to do so and don’t worry about whether or not you’re “valid” (buying pride merch from big companies isn’t any worse than buying other stuff anyway)
but if you do have the means and access to do so, then a much better way to get cool pride stuff is to buy it directly from lgbt artists (either the tons that are on tumblr, or local artists who have booths to sell from at places like arts shows and pride fests) or buy merchandise from the online stores of reputable lgbt non profit charity and advocacy organizations. That way you can get your rainbow shirts, but at the same time you also get to actually contribute to supporting the community in some way rather than giving your money to corporate overlords who will just use it to exploit workers and the environment
Revel & Riot (nonprofit that makes tshirts and donates partial proceeds to lgbt orgs, often collabs with lgbt musicians)
Equality Florida (lgbt advocacy organization that lobbies against discriminatory laws and promotes legal changes that will benefit lgbt people, also played a big role in helping after the pulse orlando shooting)
OnePulse Foundation (nonprofit fund set up by the owner of the pulse nightclub to help rebuild, support victims, and build a memorial)
Lambda Legal (nonprofit legal advocacy organization that does impact litigation for lgbt people and people with HIV)
Pride at Work (represents lgbt workers and union members)
it’s also a good idea to look for lgbt orgs in your local area or state that likely sell their own pride merch like buttons and tshirts, since orgs at a local level are often the ones who need contributions the most and who will directly benefit your community the greatest
and if you are going to buy any corporate pride merch, still try to get it from companys that are donating 100% of the profits to lgbt orgs (some ones i know that do this are levi’s and converse) and make sure to check that the orgs they’re donating to are actually legit ones)
Additionally, if you’d like to support queer artists while purchasing your pride items, why not pop over to @vaspider ’s Etsy shop:
Have I mentioned that part of the reason I hate infinity war is that it makes the isolationist ancestors right and King T’Challah wrong about opening them up to help the world? I don’t know if their bubble would have kept them safe in Wakanda from the power of the infinity gauntlet. Probably not. But the lost a hell of a lot of warriors in that battle first.
Beltainefaerie's Flights of Fancy 