A Midsummer Night’s Dream: Fairy divorce court causes everything in the vicinity to go to hell, briefly.
A Comedy of Errors: Don’t give your twins the same name. Seriously don’t.
As You Like It: No one actually likes anything that is occurring. Especially not Jaques.
Twelfth Night: Local pageboy causes everyone to catch Gay Feelings. Also multiple shipwrecks.
Much Ado About Nothing: Random bastard decides to cause problems for literally no reason other than because he is a dick.
Two Gentlemen of Verona: One gentleman is not actually a gentleman, he’s a grade-A turdwaffle.
Love’s Labors Lost: Four friends’ attempts to swear off love go about as well as you would expect
The Merry Wives of Winsor: SO I HEAR U LIKE FALSTAFF??
The Taming of the Shrew: Sometimes the best cure for a mean wife is just straight-up sexism. (Actually no wtf why)
All’s Well That Ends Well: Nothing is well and it ends kinda shittily, too.
The Merchant of Venice: Apparently the entire population of Venice is either dumb, shitty, or Portia. Or Jessica.
Measure for Measure: Undercover Boss: Vienna Edition
Richard II: Local king forced to actually face consequences for his actions. Doesn’t like it much.
Henry IV part 1: TURN DOWN FOR WHAT interluded by existential kingly guilt. Also Hotspur
Henry IV part 2: The boring part because no Hotspur and no TURN DOWN FOR WHAT. Just guilt and guys with stupid names.
Henry V: Fun manly bonding as France gets fucked over
Henry VI part 1: Let’s Screw France Part 2 feat. Joan of Arc
Henry VI part 2: A bunch of murders and Everything Has Gone to Shit Now nice job breaking it, Henry.
Henry VI, part 3: YORK YORK YORK YORK also a bunch of murders, part 2.
Richard III: Once there was a Duke of Gloucester. He was so ugly that everyone died. The End
Henry VIII: You’d think think the betrayal of a queen and befuckening of the church would be really non-boring but you would be wrong
King John: No one knows what’s happening. Not me, not you, certainly not Johnny. I guess an entire king dies or something idk
Romeo and Juliet: Local teenage fling ends in six deaths and a banishment. Authorities are baffled
Macbeth: If you don’t sleep you become a murderer I don’t make the rules also if witches are nearby… you’re fucked.
Hamlet: Danish prince should have just called Ghostbusters
Othello: And you thought your racist coworker was a pain in the ass
King Lear: Local shitty dad amazed that all his kids turned out shitty. How could this happen.
Julius Caesar: Fun male bonding exercise devolves into civil war and multiple accounts of suicide
Antony and Cleopatra: Two-year fling devolves into civil war and multiple accounts of suicide
Coriolanus: Local war devolves into civil war and – just kidding it’s actually about Coriolanus ruining everything by being unable to shut his piehole for two seconds
Timon of Athens: Don’t Have Friends: A Cautionary Tale
Titus Andronicus: Blood, death, murder, death, human sacrifice, rape, death, dismemberment, cannibalism, death, and a partridge in a pear tree
Troilus and Cressida: Title characters are actually the most boring part of the play
Pericles: It’s like a fairy tale except less magic and more nonsense. And brothels I guess idk
Cymbeline: Twenty three different plot lines and none of them go anywhere
The Winter’s Tale: Local asshole king fucks with nature so NATURE FUCKS RIGHT BACK
The Tempest: The heartwarming tale of a wizard, his weird magical bird slave, his daughter, a drunk fish guy, some murderers, and a whole lot of wood gathering
best damn description of ‘Love’s Labour’s Lost’ I’ve ever seen
We just discovered last Friday that PBS is showing “Great British Baking Show” again. We’ve been bingeing series 5 ever since. Last night we caught up with the pie episode.
@artemisastarte: No, we have none of those pies. We have something called chicken pot pie and I think I may have eaten something called lobster pie once. But all the other pies you mention? If you went to a British-themed pub restaurant or something, maybe you could order one. But they have not been naturalized, as it were.
Dumplings, we have. Many kinds. We have pierogis, empanadas, samosas, ravioli, various other small-scale meat packages. Steak and kidney pie, no. You still see mince pies sometimes at Thanksgiving but the whole point is that mincemeat isn’t meat, right?
@sabrina-phynn: I consulted Mrs. P, who grew up in the Boston area, and she says there is a sort of exemption for seafood. Crabmeat pie, lobster pie, etc. Do you know of other New England meat pies?
@plaidadder: New England has chicken and beef pot pies as well as seafood pies. But then again, consider the source: derived from those pesky Mayflower interlopers. (of which my mother was one) But not exactly like those one might find in the UK.
Oh wait. I know what happened to the meat pie. It became The Casserole.
Everyone on this post playing like they’ve never heard of Hot Pockets
Are we not counting quiche because it’s not called “pie”?
I will fight Paul Hollywood in defense of American Pie.
Everyone on this post playing like they’ve never heard of Hot Pockets
Quiche is basically egg with bits in it so I’m calling it custard.
I mean that’s a lie obviously; but we don’t call it pie either, it’s always quiche. No one bakes a “pie Lorraine.”
Also, I have never eaten a Hot Pocket. In my junk food consuming youth they didn’t have them. We made do with Twinkies and Chef Boyardee.
wtf is a “hot pocket”?
oh, and “pumpkin” pie is even better made with butternut squash instead.
I like all the kinds of pies. The Renaissance Faire has meat pies like the British ones. There was also a huge hipster craze for making hand pies over here on the west coast a little while ago, but American sweet pies are still WAY more common. I’ve never seen a lobster pie, but that sounds divine..
is just too big a stretch for my suspension of disbelief. Magic, unicorns, childhood trauma manifesting as a physical representation of destruction- that’s all cool.
But don’t try to make me believe that Jude Dumbledore Law wanted to grind on Coleslaw Head up there.
THIS
TEA
I mean, would you rather have that this mayonnaise vampire or would you rather have
him?
i mean, the dewy eyes, the salt and pepper, the slight five o clock shadow, the square jaw, the perfectly manicured eyebrows… and he doesn’t look like he’s going to die at any moment
if i looked like my mustache attended KKK rallies, i’d probably transfigure myself to look like Colin Farrell too
executive dysfunction is telling yourself for two and a half hours that you need to shower bc you smell like your workplace and you absolutely Cannot do Anything Else until you shower, doing Any Other Thing before showering is illegal!!! but you still haven’t for some reason??? you’ve just been sitting on your bed in a towel scrolling tumblr for 2+ hours thinking “I need to shower right now immediately” and growing increasingly frustrated that you are still not clean and you haven’t eaten or done your laundry either
ok actually no I’m reblogging this because a) I am clean now (and I smell amazing, thank you), and b) I had a heckin Realize and I wanted to share it with y’all in the hopes it’ll help someone else with a brain like mine.
I figured something out about myself a long time ago– it’s only just now occurred to me that I was in fact solving a problem caused by executive dysfunction, and I haven’t been implementing this solution lately because my brain went “that’s a relatively new term to me and therefore a Different problem that requires a Different solution”. thanks a lot, brain.
anyway, long long ago, before I knew these fancy schmancy Official words, the problem, as I phrased it to myself, was such:
sometimes I get Stuck. I was doing something, or on my way to doing something, and then… I just. got stuck.
“Stuck” looks like refreshing my feed or dashboard repeatedly. or it looks like staring at a spot on the wall. or chewing my fingernails. or picking at a stubborn sticker. all the while, my brain drifts through various unrelated topics I wouldn’t be able to recall if asked. sometimes I can get Stuck for hours before realizing I am Stuck. sometimes I get so Stuck that I go to bed that way (feeling especially bad for being unproductive) and I have to just reset everything by sleeping.
one day I asked myself, “why is this happening? why am I stuck, right now, at this moment in time?” the answer, as it turns out, was pretty simple: I was trying to make a decision, and I got distracted. I haven’t moved forward because I haven’t answered that one question or made up my mind.
let me rephrase this in terms of executive dysfunction: many people have expressed that it feels like knowing you need to do a thing but not feeling “ready” to do it. many with ADHD may also be familiar with the feeling of needing things to be “just so” before you embark on a task- you need your setup to look a certain way, or you need to set a timer, or have the right music playing, etc.
when I get Stuck it’s often because I got lost somewhere in that setting-up process, and my brain took the opportunity to nyoom off into Distraction Town.
getting myself Unstuck is solved, 95% of the time, by tracing my steps back to the original decision I was trying to make- often something small and inane- and then troubleshooting from there. (out loud! verbal processing is totally punk.)
“what was I trying to do?”
“was I trying to decide between two things?”
(the answer’s usually yes.)
“what were they?”
“okay, let’s decide.
“okay, that’s settled. let’s move on.”
and then I am free as a bird to nyoom in the direction of The Thing I Wanted To Do All Along, in the amazingly disorganized, scattered, yet rapid-fire way that I do many things.
so!!! in the case of my first post, where I hadn’t showered for 2 hours? turns out I had been trying to decide what music to listen to in the shower. (another hack: my chances of getting Stuck while showering decrease by 75% if I have music playing to help me keep track of time.) I couldn’t immediately make up my mind, got lost in thought, got distracted, and drifted. once I stopped and asked- “why am I stuck?”- then I remembered- “oh yeah! I wanted to listen to music”- and then decided- “I want to listen to Daft Punk’s Discovery album”- I was finally heckin able to shower. and also eat, and also throw my clothes in the dryer.
and may I add I only zoned out once, during the slow part of “One More Time.” 😛
I’m not saying this is a foolproof method. sometimes I don’t have a reason for being stuck, and that’s okay! I’m also not saying this is how every adhd brain works. it’s just how my brain works, and I’m sure there’s at least a few who can relate. for those few, I hope this helps!!
a lot of people are reblogging the original post without the update and leaving frustrated comments and that makes me sad! if I can find ways to hack my brain than so can you! executive dysfunction is a real and frustrating challenge, but don’t buy the lie that there’s no way to work with it or around it!!!
Thousands of cartons of Vanilla Almond Breeze are under recall for containing undeclared milk. I don’t care what you think about vegans, nondairy milk, whatever…
This could kill people if word doesn’t get out fast enough.
Alabama, Arkansas, Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Maine, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Mississippi, Nebraska, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia and Wisconsin
Please share this. Dairy allergies can be fatal and many people with them choose to drink almond milk.
recall is dated august 2, this is current. pass it along for your lactose intolerant friendos.
anyone interested in almost 1k about gmos, monoculture and capitalism cause i just got very angry at a google doc
tldr gmos arent the problem, capitalism is
long version:
so yeah my issues arent directly abt gmos, they’re about capitalism. gmos are just a link in intensive agriculture and capitalism’s firm grip on the neck of food production professionals.
gmos are just accelerated natural selection made in a lab by a human. its good bc it makes crops more resistant and more productive, or makes for examples bananas or watermelon have actual edible flesh and not be just a bunch of seeds.
so! wild bananas? just seeds. some evolved to have more flesh, and some (cough the cavendish cough) were modified to *only* have flesh. the cavendish is completely seedless and thus sterile. to grow a new cavendish plant, you have to use the rhizomes of a first plant (parts of its roots) that you separate from the “mother plant" and plant on their own. you get a whole plantation from one “mother plant”
so what does that mean! that means all cavendish are genetically identical. and that means that since all plants and all fruits are *completely identical,* if one plant or one fruit catches a disease, all others *can* catch it, bc if one is sensible to the disease, it means ALL OF THEM ARE.
with seeds, the plants are all different and thus some can have resistances that others don’t. it’s kind of like vaccination and herd immunity. here though?…
the funniest (/sarcasm) part is that the precedent most widespread banana species, the Gros Michel, was raised the exact same way, and was wiped out by the panama disease or whatchamacallit… which the cavendish is also sensible too.
yeah.
but let’s talk about crops more common where im from like wheat, corn and canola. tomato. most vegetables. these kinds of crops, when they’re gmos, are either intentionally made infertile (as in, you do get seeds but these seeds either won’t grow crops or will grow crops that won’t bear fruits) or are under a certain number of contractual obligations.
one of these obligations is that you can’t keep seeds to plant them again the next year. if you grow wheat, it’s very easy to keep a part of your grain and plant it again the next year you want wheat. forbidden. buy seeds every year.
another can be that you have to use a certain kind of herbicide, that is sold by their own company. im not screaming monsanto rn but thats exactly what im doing. monstanto sells gmos, contractually makes you buy roundup, they get double the money and double the fun.
another thing is monoculture. this isnt directly linked to gmos but gmos and monoculture are both the degenerate children of capitalism.
im from the south of france, we’re the third biggest corn exporters of the world. all the fucking fields are corn. everywhere. all the time. if you havent worked in a corn field you’re either rich or not from here. monoculture, monoculture, monoculture.
when you plant something, this plant will take elements from the soil and reject other elements. if you only plant 1 kind of crop over and over, you create a buildup of the crop’s “wastes" and an exhaustion of the soil’s ressources in what the crop needs.
monocultures basically creates giant deserts. the soil, the ground is drained over and over by the same cultures, or yearly changes, but like i said, here its corn, wheat, canola, corn. it sort of varies but its still always the same stuff pulled from the ground. so if you wanna keep growing your shit, you gotta use fertilizers. triple the money for monsanto.
in my garden, i wanted green beans. green beans reject nitrogen in the soil. if i only plant green beans, my ground is going to get a nitrogen build up. i don’t want that. soil with too much nitrogen stunts root growth, makes the plants over produce foliage and tire themselves, and then salt burns the foliage my plant tired itself for. it also pollutes groundwater.
however! corn and cucurbits love nitrogen. love the shit. corn allows the beans to go up and around. cucurbits have large leaves that protects the ground from drying up and thorns that deter most pests.
(this isnt something i invented lol. Natives Americans from north and central america have been doing this since forever. Maya people used the technique. in the south of france it’s been used for a while with local beans and corn first imported from Mexico i dont know when but a while ago. Mexico has semi recently started using this technique again bc its good! it’s good for your ground!)
the problem, lmao, the problem is that you can’t use the three sisters garden layout is absolutely in intensive agriculture. and thats whats up isnt it? you gotta produce more.
not better, not smarter, not renewable
more
hence gmos. they grow more. they grow better. they grow faster.
but my problem isnt with them, it’s what they represent. they start as a good idea, being able to make more food for people. but the result is that: france produces 17.1 million metric tons of corn per year, and barely eats any of it.
so basically: to grow corn over and over you need to buy the seeds and transport them, buy fertilizer (bc monoculture) and transport it, buy insecticide and transport it. then you use gigantic tractors to fertilize your fields, plant your corn, spray roundup all over it. pay a bunch of teenagers to spend hours in the sun during summer to cut the male flowers of 70% of your crops so the right male flowers fertilize the right female flowers. more giant tractors to gather your corn. nobody buys it here so you transport it to an exporter, who transports it elsewhere, and it moves around until it’s transformed, and then it’s moved around again to a seller.
so much fucking diesel and ruining the soil for what?! and do we talk about food waste????!!!!!
im too angry to write a conclusion 🙃 either you get what i mean or you dont. maybe i’ll say more about alternatives later. idfk
obligatory im not a pro just someone with a brain and an access to both google & common sense
Beltainefaerie's Flights of Fancy 