“There’s such an emphasis on having a character be likable. I don’t think it would be helpful if I worried about that. I mean, not everyone’s likable.” – Adam Driver
I wrote this up in response to another post but it really should have its own post here on my blog. The topic? Sex scenes involving trans guys, how to write them, and how not to write them.
There’s been a lot of trans male headcanons popping up in fandoms lately. And that’s awesome! As a trans guy myself, I love seeing trans headcanons by both cis and trans people! And there’s been a lot of fics & art involving trans dudes having sex popping up lately. And that’s awesome too! Hell yeah we can get down and do the do! Unfortunately… many of these headcanons, art pieces, & fics don’t portray trans guys, their bodies, and their sex lives accurately. And that’s… not so awesome. There’s some pretty icky stereotypes and commonalities going around. So I’m here to shed a little light on trans men and how we get down.
First, I’d like to start by saying this content is of a mature nature, please exercise reader discretion before deciding to read it and follow your local laws & restrictions regarding such content.
Second, I’d like to note that my ask box is always open to questions if anybody wants to fact-check their trans fic with an actual trans dude. I’m more than willing to help educate.
Now, on to the lesson!
InterdictedKai’s Guide To Writing Trans Men Having Sex:
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Trans guys come in all sexual orientations.
If a trans man is having sex with a man, whether that man is cis or trans, that is gay sex. They’re both men. Having gay sex.
If a trans man is having sex with a woman, whether that woman is cis or trans, that is straight sex.
It’s a man and a woman. That’s straight sex.
Trans guys can most often
be found fucking: gay men, bi/pan men, straight women, & bi/pan
women. In other words: People who are attracted to men.
TERMINOLOGY: My number one issue with people who aren’t trans guys (eg: cis, nb, etc) writing about trans guys having sex is the words they use. Topping the chart: CALL IT A DICK, NOT A CLIT. Seriously.
Up top: The most standard term for talking
about a trans guy’s chest is ‘chest’. A lot of pre-op & no-op trans guys are
really not okay with having the lumps on their chest called ‘breasts’.
So if you’re writing about trans men getting some action on
their torso, you’re better off talking about his chest and nipples than his breasts
and nipples.
The pole:It’s a dick. It might be a small dick but almost universally every
trans guy I’ve met calls it a dick or cock and either dislikes or is actively squicked by it being called a clit. I’ve had so many
conversations with other trans guys where we salt about seeing cis
people writing trans guys in fic & calling it a clit. Sure, there are exceptions,
trans guys who use the word clit, but there’s also gay men who use the
f-slur to describe themselves. That’s a personal use. It’s not the standard. It’s not the
common term. It’s not okay if you’re someone who isn’t a trans dudewriting about a trans
dude having sex. It doesn’t matter if you’re cis, nb, or any other identity, call it a dick. It’s a dick. Call it a dick. It doesn’t
matter if they’re pre-T, on T, or if they’ve had some sort of genital
surgery. It’s a dick any which way. He is a man. He has a penis.
The hole: There is no standard term
for what a trans guy is probably gonna call the hole he’s got in front.
I know guys using: Cunt, vagina, pussy, front hole, front door, boy
hole, bonus hole, and so on. Personally, I like cunt, it’s gritty and abrasive and feels the most ‘masculine’ to me personally.
That said, whatever term you use, try to be respectful in using it and
understand that not all trans guys want sex to involve that body part.
TO REPEAT: DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDE’S DICK A CLIT.
COMING OUT: Coming out as trans is usually scary. Coming out as trans can be dangerous.
Trans guys who pass, meaning they are perceived as men by people they meet, will at some point have to come out to romantic and/or sexual partner(s).
Usually these conversations will take place well before anything gets hot and heavy but sometimes things get a little carried out of hand and things need to pause so they can talk.
The last place most trans guys want to be when disclosing they’re trans
is in the bedroom with someone’s hand down their pants as an “oh, by
the way”. There have been many of cases of trans guys getting attacked in these situations if their partner freaks out over it. General rule? Don’t write your coming out scene as happening in the bedroom.
BODY BOUNDARIES: Trans people in general have a different relationship to their body from cis people by virtue of being trans. So since we’re focused on trans guys, let’s get into that.
Not all trans guys have sex the same way. Not all trans guys are okay
with using some or all of the body parts they have during sex. We each
have different body boundaries.
I know guys who won’t get
shirtless, guys who won’t take off their binder, and guys who strip shirtless without worry. I know guys who don’t want their chest touched
and guys who are really into receiving nipple play.
I know guys who love getting
blowjobs and guys who don’t want a mouth down there.
I know guys who
don’t want their cunt touched, guys who are okay with only fingers in there, and guys who are all about taking things
in the front door.
I know guys who don’t want any penetrative sex, guys who don’t care where you put it, guys who only want it in the front, guys who don’t want anything in their ass, and
guys who are fine as long as it’s only going in their ass.
I know guys who exclusively top, never bottom, and have gorgeous collections of
strap-ons to fuck their partner(s). Yes, that’s right, trans men can top!
These are just some examples and there’s no standard. Every trans man
will have different body boundaries that they need to discuss with their partner(s).
BODY CHANGES: The body changes a lot on testosterone. So let’s get into some of those changes.
CHEST: Chest fat does lessen on testosterone, but not usually by much. That said, they do become a lot more limp due to binding over the years. Binding makes
breast tissue basically wilt, break down, and go floppy. If a trans guy binds, his chest fat will become more limp over time. Easier to compress flatter, but also deteriorates skin quality for future surgery.
BODY HAIR:Holy hairy nipples, batman! Trans guys often get chest hair, just like cis guys. I’ve never once seen a fic talk
about a
trans guy’s chest hair. Trans guys also get happy trails, facial hair, thicker
hair on our legs and arms, etc, and generally develop average male body & facial hair patterns.
DICK: This is one of the most noticeable changes on T, and also the fastest. Most guys begin to notice their dick starting to grow within a few weeks of starting T. Most grow to around 1″-2″ when erect. There are many cases of guys getting as much as 3″ but these should be considered outliers and not average. It’s the trans dude equivalent of a cis dude with a 10″ dick: possible but uncommon. Wait, erect? Yep! It gets erect. You can definitely see when a trans guy has a boner if you’re looking at his dick! You can also notice that it has a foreskin just like an uncut penis! The labia may also become more coarse and similar in texture to a cis guy’s balls.
FLUIDS: Not all trans guys get dry downstairs on T. Some do. But I know a lot of guys who’ve gotten a lot more wet
since starting T. It happens a lot. It’s a 50/50 shot, really.
Bodies are weird. There are some sloppy, messy, slick trans guys and
some trans guys who have to use lube daily so they don’t chafe or even
use an estrogen cream down there.
SMELL: On Testosterone, the smell of a trans guy’s junk changes. You get Man Musk™
within the first 6 months. Anyone who’s been near a cis guy’s dick
knows what I mean by that: that really sharp, earthy dick smell.
TASTE: After
about 6-8 months on testosterone, a trans guy’s fluids down there stop tasting like going down on a cis girl and they start tasting a hell of a lot more like a cis dude’s precum. It’s a hormone thing. So giving a trans dude who’s been on T for a while a blowjob is gonna smell & taste a lot more like blowing a guy with a really leaky dick than going down on a girl. Cause that’s exactly what’s going on.
ORGASMS: Orgasms also change on testosterone. Guys who could previously get multiple orgasms pre-T often can’t once they start testosterone. But they do usually report them being stronger and more intense.
HAVING SEX: Trans men definitely don’t have sex like cis
women. Because they’re not
cis women. They’re men. They’re just men with a slightly different tool
set in their tool belt.
Like I said under Body Boundaries, we use our
bodies to have sex in many varied ways. Blowjobs, handjobs,
rimming, vaginal fingering, anal fingering, vaginal sex, anal sex, I
could go on for ages.
If a trans guy is
taking a cis dude’s dick in his cunt, it’s still gay sex, not straight sex, and
needs to be treated as such.
SAFER SEX & PREGNANCY:
Trans guys can get STDs like any other guy and should use condoms
accordingly. Trans guys having risky or unprotected sex with cis men may
be prescribed PrEP, an HIV-prevention medication designed to lower the risk of contracting HIV.
Speaking of STDs, people can get gonorrhoea & chlamydia in their ass or throat via anal & oral sex. This will not show on a standard pee test. There are special swabs for the ass and throat. Most doctors do not routinely perform these tests. They really should. But, back to the point.
Some people think trans men can’t
get pregnant. This is a myth. Some men think trans men can’t be on birth control. This is a myth. These myths are dangerous.
Trans men who are having sex with cis men can get pregnant unless they’ve had a hysterectomy. The risk of pregnancy is decreased but not eliminated by T.
Trans men on T cannot get estrogen-based birth control but they can be on progesterone-only birth control. Most large trans-affirming health clinics will recommend this
for trans men who have sex with cis men. Generally, this comes in two
forms: a daily pill known as the ‘minipill’ or a 12-week injection known
as the ‘depo shot’.
MEDICAL PROCEDURES: There are many routes trans guys can take in terms of medically transitioning.
For most trans people, the first step is hormone replacement therapy (HRT). For trans guys, this involves Testosterone therapy. Testosterone is usually administered via injection every 1, 2, or 12 weeks, depending on which kind, or via a daily cream/gel. 1 & 2 week shots are self-administered while 12-week shots are done by a professional. Trans guys who come out as kids or young teens may be prescribed hormone blockers to prevent or halt puberty
until they can start T when they’re 15-18 (age varies with local laws
& doctor’s discretion).
Another step for trans guys is usually top surgery. Guys with tiny chests (small B or less) can get periareolar (’peri’) or keyhole surgery. This leaves only a tiny scar around the nipple. Guys with larger chests usually get a double incision
(’DI’) surgery which involves larger scars along the bottom of the pecs
and nipple grafts or, less commonly, an Inverted-T or T-anchor surgery
which involves the same scars under the pecs but an additional vertical
scar from there to the nipple while eliminating the need for nipple
grafts.
Trans guys usually get a total hysterectomy, removing the uterus, ovaries, cervix, and all the bits in between. A trans guy who has his ovaries removed must be on some form of hormone therapy (eg: testosterone) or else risks bone loss & osteoporosis.
Some trans guys may opt for genital surgery. These procedures and the reasons why some trans guys might or might not want
one surgery or another is a whole complicated topic in itself. But if
you’re curious, look into metoidioplasty (’meta/meto’) or phalloplasty
(’phallo’). Tread carefully.
So, I’ll wrap this up with my most important point, again: If you are anything other than a trans guy (eg: if you are cis, nb, etc), DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDE’S DICK A CLIT. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SMUTTY, CALL IT A DICK.
And, as I said, anyone can feel free to message me if they have questions about writing trans guys having sex.
Tl;dr: Just be respectful and know your subject matter.
As a neuro-divergent person with a child who is starting to exhibit similar symptoms, I make a point to talk to her about my various illnesses.
“Mommy, why do you take so many pills?”
“Well mommy’s body doesn’t work like other peoples’ bodies do. My brain sometimes works too hard at trying to keep me safe and makes me unnecessarily afraid of well…lots of stuff.”
“Like what?” “Oh geeze that’s tough. Ummm…like taking the bus.”
“You’re afraid of taking the bus!?”
“Yes, honey, I am. My brain worries that I’ll miss my bus, which is a normal worry. But then it starts to think ‘Oh no! If I miss my bus, I’ll miss my class and my prof will fail me and I will be a failure and Oh GOD NO I am suddenly homeless for some reason!!!’ ”
“What?! No! Really, mommy?!”
“Yes, honey, and that’s not even the half of it!”
Whenever I get depressed and I’m in bed, she’ll sometimes comfort me.
“I know you’re sad sometimes, Mommy, because your brain makes you sad and makes your body hurt, but it’s ok. Tomorrow might be better for you.” and She’ll cuddle with me for a while.
It’s really important to let children know this stuff.
If you call pedophilia a kink please unfollow me and never talk to me again
Isn’t it disgusting that 23 people just unfollowed me
Unfollow me too
this goes double if you call paedophilia a disability. unfollow me twice
and if you call pedophilia an “orientation” or in any way compare it to being LGBP+ you can unfollow, delete your blog, and set yourself on fire.
I just lost 50 followers.. bye
clearing out the trash
GO ON AND S M A S H THAT UNFOLLOW BUTTON
BUHBYE U McNASTIES
I’ve seen this circulating forever and genuinely thought “no way do I have any of them following me” until this week when it turned out I had all these fuckin “MAP” (pedophile) followers sad to find out I’m an “anti” (normal person)
if the fic already has a thousand comments, comment still. Your comment will still matter and delight the author.
if a fic is a decade old and the author hasn’t been active in the last five years, comment still. There will come a time when the author will read and cherish your comment, or maybe it will motivate them enough to start writing again. You never know!
if the author never responds to comments, comment still. Interaction with the author is a very nice bonus, but you can be sure that even if the author doesn’t answer, they will read it and enjoy it at some point
there’s no such thing as a too long comment.
there’s no such thing as a too incoherent comment.
the author will give no flying fuck about any gramatical errors, typo or other misspellings. If you’re a non-native speaker struggling to express themselves, you can be sure the author will be all the more pleased that you surmounted the language barrier to let them know you appreciated their work. Don’t be afraid!
there’s no such thing as commenting too often.
you will never, ever come across as creepy by obsessing over a fic or an author to the point where you worry the author might think you’re a stalker. On the contrary, the author will be delighted by your investment in their work.
say thank you. It’s always appreciated to see readers acknowledge the work and commitment that is put into writing.
the floaty review box (ao3 add-on) is your friend
be positive and encouraging. Positive reviews make writers all warm and glowy from the inside, bashing plunge their soul into icy darkness. You want the first, not the second!
whoever you are, if you read their fic, YOU are IMPORTANT to the author. Let them know you’re there!
(if any author wants to contradict one of those rules, please let me know!)
Watson: It was a dark and stormy night…
Holmes: *snickers*
Watson: *sighing* Oh, very well, I shall change it. “…and even here in the heart of great hand-made London we were forced to raise our minds for the instant from the routine of life and to recognise the presence of those great elemental forces which shriek at mankind through the bars of his civilisation, like untamed beasts in a cage. As evening drew in, the storm grew higher and louder, and the wind cried and sobbed like a child in the chimney.”
Holmes: I say, that is quite evocative, old boy.
Watson: Thank you. “Sherlock Holmes sat moodily at one side of the fireplace cross-indexing his records of crime…”
Holmes: Moodily?
Watson: The way you always are when it rains, like a caged animal reluctantly resting after pacing back and forth all day.
Holmes: If you say so.
Watson: Like a great cat flicking its tail.
Holmes: *growls playfully*
Watson: *grins* Later, dear boy. Do you want to hear this or not?
Holmes: Pray continue.
Watson: “…indexing his records of crime, while I at the other was deep in one of Clark Russell’s fine sea-stories until the howl of the gale from without seemed to blend with the text, and the splash of the rain to lengthen out into the long swash of the sea waves.”
Holmes: *coughs*
Watson: What, too poetic?
Holmes: No, it’s just… 87
Watson: What?
Holmes: The W word
Watson: What?
Holmes: *stage whispers* wife
Watson: Oh Lord, was I supposed to be married that year? This is why I read them back to you. *scribbles furiously* How is this? “My wife was on a visit to her mother’s, and for a few days I was a dweller once more in my old quarters at Baker Street.”
Holmes: Does she have a mother?
Watson: I think so… why shouldn’t she?
Holmes: *shrugs* I suppose. Read on, my dear.
Please reblog and spread the news to not buy Parent Choice diapers due to them having harsh chemicals that harm cause terrible burns to little ones like this.
So I’ve used the Parent’s Choice brand wipes and diapers on my son before, they literally melted his skin off. After about 2 minutes after contact, his skin turned red hot and started blistering. We were able to get an emergency visit with his pediatrician, but he still has scars where the wipes and diapers burned him over 2 years later. This brand is AWFUL. How it’s still on the market? I have no fucking clue, but do not EVER EVER EVER gift these to someone with a newborn or small infant. The wipes actually have alcohol in them (I tried using the leftover wipes on my own ass and ended up with a nasty rash).
Err on the side of caution and go with a smaller pack of pampers or huggies, or even get a cheap starter set of cloth diapers (ToysRUs sells a small econo pack for $15), but DO NOT use these diapers. There’s no worse feeling than seeing those scars and knowing you inadvertently caused them by making a careless purchase.
To contact the seller before bidding, please email apholcombe@gmail.com
If you have a very specific prompt and are not flexible, it’s best to contact the seller before bidding, even if it fits within their listed parameters. If you are asking for a specific kink, always ask first.
Charities these auctions benefit: Bidder’s choice of any of the listed groups
Type of fanwork: fanfiction Subtype(s): N/A Fandom(s): Sherlock (BBC), MCU (Captain America), Mystic Messenger Highest rating creator will work with: E (explicit) Length: 1k words per $5 (I tend to write long-form, so this is just easier for me, lol) Especially interested in: I’m happy to do any pairing in the fandoms I’ve listed, and prefer AUs to canon-compliant. If you check my AO3 you’ll see my primary ships, but I can write others. Unwilling to address: Abuse/assault, age-play, large age-differences, characters depicted as minors (unless it’s rated G), dub-con, non-con Notes:
Minimum Bid: $5
Auctions run from 8 January 2018 (Midnight, EST) to 14 January 2018 (Midnight, EST). Bids before or after this period are invalid and will not be counted.If you would like to bid on this auction:
Step 1: Check the bidding spreadsheet to find out what the current high bid is. (Note: It may take up to five minutes for a bid to appear.)
Step 2: Fill out the seller’s bidding form with a bid that is higher than the current high bid. If you want to make it harder for someone to outbid you, bid higher! You will NOT be notified if someone outbids you, so please bookmark this page and check frequently. You will only be notified if you are the high bidder after the auctions end.
Beltainefaerie's Flights of Fancy 