popplio-posts:

So I know people aren’t going to like me saying this, but I need to get this off my chest.

If you have things on your blog title/description or write posts about being anti-kink/kink critical/pro kink shaming, wanting kinky people to stay far away from you, hating people who engage in kink, thinking kinky people are diseased/mentally challenged/disgusting, etc., I don’t want you following or reblogging from me.

I know you might think it’s funny or whatever but you’re communicating that you will judge and even hate people based on their sexual preferences, which have nothing to do with your and don’t have any effect on your life. 

(To be honest, that’s simplifying what kink is because asexual people can engage in kink too and not all kinks are sexual in nature but anyway)

You seem to be forgetting that “kink” is an umbrella term for a really long list of desires and behaviors, not just the problematic ones you don’t like. And kinksters are a large group, made up of more than just the bad people you might be trying to criticize. I think many, many of you need to educate yourselves on kink and the kink community, because you keep talking shit about us without seeming to know anything about us, and it’s a real problem. 

Innocent, kind, loving, caring, compassionate, feminist kinksters exist. Harmless kinksters and kinks exist. Critical, self-aware kinksters exist. And we don’t deserve to be treated like villains because we like being spanked or whatever. Just because some of us like things you might find weird or not understand doesn’t mean we are bad people. 

Even kinks that are risky, dangerous, extreme, or the like (blood play, as a more tame example compared to some kinks I could name) can be done responsibly. And most kinksters who engage in those kinks are very careful, cautious people. The fact that those kinks aren’t technically harmless doesn’t make the people who engage in them bad or evil. “Harmful” doesn’t always mean bigoted or abusive. So even saying that you only support harmless kinks is still shitty. 

Also, keep in mind that “kink critical” is a radfem term. Kink critical radfems believe all kinksters are either abusers or victims of abuse that have been brainwashed into having Stockholm syndrome, and are all oppressing women by existing. It’s a way of attacking sex workers and others who engage in kink, for no reason other than because they have desires radfems don’t understand. 

When you call yourself kink critical, you are telling me that you believe kink is abuse and that kinksters are an oppressive class that harm women. You are telling me women have no agency to make their own sexual decisions and are being brainwashed into thinking they like kink. You are telling me that you believe only straight cis people engage in kink, and that their doing so is amoral and dangerous. You are telling me that because that’s exactly what radfems are saying when they call themselves “kink critical.” 

Do you really want to communicate to people that you not only feel that way about them, but also agree with radfem ideology that harms kinky women, kinky LGBTQIA+ folk, and sex workers?

And the thing is, many of you don’t mean that. You don’t believe that liking it when your partner spanks you is the same as oppressing women. What you’re trying to say is that you want people who engage in bigoted and problematic kinks to be aware of what they’re doing and to be respectful of others and their feelings. But like, you can just say that. You don’t have to attack all kinky people to tell the specific group of kinky people you don’t like that they need to be critical and responsible. 

Additionally, making kink shaming into a joke is hurtful because anti-kink prejudice can really hurt kinky individuals. It may not be oppression, per se, but it still has a massive impact on people’s lives and it’s still painful to experience. It can even be dangerous to our safety and mental health. Consider the things in this article, for example: https://somewhatofsomethingother.wordpress.com/2011/05/23/editing-the-vanilla-privilege-checklist/ (content warning for sexual assault)

Even if you don’t see that as oppression against kinksters, can you understand why painting kinky people in such a negative light could have a negative effect on people who aren’t doing anything except having an unconventional sex life?

Are there problematic, offensive kinks? Yes. Are their problematic, bigoted, and even dangerous kinksters? Of course. But you can criticize them without throwing the rest of us under the bus or making light of people who bully or harass us for simply existing and acting like mocking us is a joke.

My kinks are all pretty harmless. I’m critical of myself and other kinksters. I call out abuse and bigotry in the kink community, I advocate strongly against problematic kinks and kinksters, and I bring my feminism into all kinky spaces. I’m not advocating for loving all kinks equally and unconditionally and never speaking out when something is a problem. 

What I am saying, though, is that you need to stop simplifying kink and that you should educate yourself on it before you go critiquing it, and be sure your critiques are fair, reasonable, and don’t hurt innocent people who aren’t part of the problem you’re trying to critique.

There’s a difference between being critical of problematic kinks and hating all kink and kinky people and thinking it’s okay to harass and attack us. Don’t call yourself the latter if you mean the former, and don’t call yourself the former if you do the latter. That’s all I’m saying here.

I would really appreciate people reblogging this, too. Sex positive feminism that doesn’t deny people’s agency and is critical in a healthy way is really important, and people need to understand the problem with adopting anti-kink attitudes.

❄💙 Bella 💙❄