The True Definition of Asexuality

knowingyalluwontlearnathingsmh:

Since some of y’all don’t listen

I see a lot of people on this site bending what Asexuality means so that it can benefit their toxic agenda, but I’ve also noticed that people who are sucked into that agenda often have zero clue what Asexuality actually is besides what they see on tumblr. So, mark your calendar folks because this is the day we set it straight. By the new year we will all have our eyes open on the word Asexuality.

I will first get into the history of the term asexuality (in terms of sexuality) and then I’ll get into it’s proper and improper uses/definitions often seen on the internet. I’ve made a post before about AVEN and it’s intense battle for the rights to the word asexual before (in response to another post from a well known aphobe) and I’ll sorta just be restating the same things here.

The 2000’s era was pretty big for asexual people as there were finally communities for them to talk about their experiences and find other people just like them. These communities, The Official Asexual Society and AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network), while both working to bring visibility to asexual people, had some VERY different takes on what it meant to be Asexual. Many people do not know this, but the asexual community has had its own internal turmoil (even now as we speak). The Official Asexual Society argued that to be asexual one had to have an aversion to sex (anti-sexual is the term) and have no libido (nonlibidoist is the term), and thus heavily screened people to grant them membership to the community. AVEN argued that asexuality was simply the lack of sexual attraction and allowed all people of all varying degrees of asexuality within the community. As you can imagine, since they both used the word Asexuality for their conflicting websites, a battle of ‘So what is the truth’ struck up between these two communities. The Official Asexual Society claimed that real asexuals don’t have or want sex, and real asexuals have no urge to have sex (rhetoric that I’m sure many asexual people have seen even now within our own communities). The Official Asexual Society thus became a haven for asexual elitist that refused to acknowledge asexuals who weren’t like them. This drew away a lot of people looking for a place to be comfortable with their sexuality. So they went to AVEN instead. Because AVEN was inclusive to asexual people of all kinds, those deterred by The Official Asexual Society went to AVEN instead, thus building AVEN’s asexual population faster and greater than The Official Asexual Society. And because The Official Asexual Society didn’t get as much outreach as it did before, it gradually crumbled to renaming itself The Official Nonlibidoist Society, to eventually collapsing completely. The people themselves had spoken on what the definition of asexuality was and “The lack of sexual attraction to any gender” won. Source

All that being said, I will take no slander on how because the definition changed, asexuality has no real definition. The definition of the word ‘Democrat’ changed but nobody debates on what a democrat is. The popular definition of the word ‘Pure’ changed but nobody debates on what pure means. Definitions to words fucking change all the time. That’s why linguistics is a thing people study.

Now let’s get into the proper and improper uses/definitions of the word asexuality.

Since asexuality is defined as “The lack of sexual attraction to any gender” Then asexuality can’t be defined as:

• uwu No Sex (yes that is shade). Asexual people should be able to state that they are sex repulsed and they don’t have sex without someone suddenly claiming that to be the definition of asexuality. Asexual people can have sex (one reason being to have a child). To say that Asexuality means ‘no sex’ would be ignoring the fact that there are many people who don’t have sex who are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual and etc. Are those people suddenly asexual? The answer is no, they are as they identify themselves to be.
• Celibacy. Celibacy is a choice whereas Asexuality is not a choice (I will keep saying that until people listen).
• TMI (too much information). I see this argument a lot where people will say ‘Only your partner should know your asexual’. And I have a few problems with this. When dating (you know that thing people do to find a partner) the conversation about sex will come up (unless you are dating within celibate and asexual circles). In those circumstances should we not mention our asexuality? And within a circle of new friends when someone asks ‘Hey, what’s everyone’s sexuality’ should we just not say anything? Stating you are asexual has NOTHING to do with your sexual activities. Read again: NOTHING. You see people who think asexuality is TMI, look at it as a modifier for other sexualities and not a sexuality. But asexuality can not be a modifier, which I’ll get into…
• Here. A modifier. Since asexuality is defined as ‘The lack of sexual attraction to any gender’ then it can not function as a modifier for another sexuality that describes sexual attraction to a gender. It is not possible. Asexual people can, however, identify as homoromantic, heteroromantic, biromantic, panromantic, and etc. and thus  can call themselves an ace lesbian, or a bi ace, or pan ace or het ace. But not all asexual people use the SAM to identify themselves. So if asexuality is a modifier for other sexualities, what about people who are aroace? What’s it modifying then?
• Practically Straight. This one is typically in response to heteroromantic aces, but I’ve seen it in reference to all aces. Let’s make this clear right now, you can not be a straight asexual person. A straight person is a person who is sexually attracted to the opposite binary gender and pursues romantic relationships with people of the opposite binary gender. Because asexuality is defined as (and I repeat) the lack of sexual attraction to any gender, they literally can’t be sexually attracted to the opposite binary gender. Stop trying to redefine the word straight to benefit your aphobe agenda. 

Since asexuality is defined as “The lack of sexual attraction to any gender” Then asexuality can be defined as:

• The lack of sexual attraction to any gender. That’s literally it. And this definition includes (but is not limited to)
• Demisexual people
• Grey Aces
• Aroaces
• Heteroromantic Aces
• Homoromantic Aces
• Biromantic Aces
• Panromantic Aces
• Sex Repulsed Aces
• Sex Neutral Aces
• Sex Positive Aces
• Kinky Aces (yes they exist)
• Cisgender Aces
• Transgender Aces
• Intersex Aces
• Autistic Aces
• Aces with no sex drive
• Aces with a normal sex drive
• Aces with a high sex drive
• Aces who have been through the trauma of sexual assault
• White people who are aces
• POC who are aces
• Ace Women
• Ace Men

I hope that someone out there learned something today. And if you didn’t and you are still gonna misuse the word asexuality, I can’t help you at this point. Happy New Years Eve. I hope that everyone has a good 2018. Let’s start off right.

*I went back and edited the bullet point on straightness just a tad