grassfire:

the whole ‘smol mlm beans are being fetishised because a fic didn’t have enema > shower > nail clippers > organic gluten free lube > three fingers > red light/green light safety checks for missionary’ is beyond bizarro to me because

a. why are you looking for ultimate best practice sexual health safety in amatuer gay erotica about existing media franchises

b. it’s insisting that people – and let’s be real here, they’re specifically zeroing in on women – must adhere to writing this wildly unachievable unrealistic standard of sexual practice that i don’t think exists in its entirety outside of, like, some theoretic situation in a sexual health handbook, or else they’re being fetishists and harming gay people

it’s just so divorced from my reasonably varied sexual experiences as a cis woman, a nb person, and a gay man. it’s so hugely divorced from the experiences of my gay and lesbian friends, it’s unlike anything that cis or trans gay people experience on average? and it declaratively states that terms, activities and sexual things that are relatively common, or at least commonly accepted as part of the community, are weird and unhealthy. 

‘cruising is bad! one night stands are bad! lesbians don’t have casual sex! fantasising about your femme ass eating out a butch woman behind a western bar is lesbian fetishisation! twink and bear are nsfw terms!’ holy mother of god, please get off the internet. stop reducing everything to what you read in stucky fanfiction on ao3. stop getting all your information from an echo chamber. there’s a world outside and it isn’t performing a three step enema before getting its ass ate, and that’s fine.

like, i’m absolutely not virgin shaming here. i don’t think you need to punch every shift on your fuck timecard in order to write fun sex, but i do think that if you’re narrowing your idea of what is allowable sex in fiction to the point where it must be this distant unattainable speck preceded by eighteen preparatory steps that are performed in total by no one who isn’t actively making all eighteen vaguely medicinal steps into part of their sex life, then perhaps some perspective is in order. 

ultimately it’s fuck fiction that is being written and read for fun and to get you off. it’s written for free, or in exchange for art, or a couple of bucks a month on patreon or kofi. there’s a 0.00000000000001% impact on society at large, especially compared to the commercial porn industry and the gig economy sex industry. shit, or even the small fish that is amazon kindle porn? if you want to compare apples to apples it’s a level of scrutiny that isn’t being turned on nsfw het fic, pro and amatuer, which largely skates by without any discourse or examination. 

should you question something that’s homophobic? absolutely. should you treat everything that doesn’t hit this remote idealised bullseye as being innately homophobic? nah dogg.

amatur meatbeat fiction is not a sex manual or a health handbook and it’s unreasonable to arbitrarily decide that it should be, you know? you can’t devolve into weird homophobic puritan politics in the name of protecting this strange unattainable concept of gay people while plumbing new weird depths of misogyny.