candidlyautistic:

spiroandthelacktones:

swirlymind:

snakedance:

clutchwokeup:

the autistic ping

Look, we’re not actually narcissists

When you talk to us about an emotional issue

And we respond with a personal experience or anecdote

We’re not trying to make the conversation about ourselves.

Most times (at least with me), I have to find an experience within myself that is similar to what you’ve described

So I can furnish an appropriate emotional reaction to what you’re experiencing.

It’s sort of like when you ping an IP address to fix a faulty Wi-Fi connection.

It’s not personal, it’s just how I navigate Feelings™.

This is how many people on the Autism spectrum express empathy.  We don’t say things like “You must have felt so…” like neurotypical people are used to.  To us, that comes across as presuming to know.  We look to when we felt something that seems similar, and offer that experience.  That lets the other person decide whether we truly know how they feel.

When I do this I am trying to show you that I really do know how you feel, and not just saying something arbitrary to make you feel better. Since I’m not good at showing and expressing emotions or even knowing exactly what it is I am feeling, I barely know what others are feeling. But by relating situation to situation, I’m acknowledging what they are feeling now and that I felt a similar way once, so that any advice I give can sound like I’m feeling the right emotion.

Oh I had no idea this was an autism thing I always respond to people by talking about situations where I felt similarly

Literally this is so common they test for it during the diagnostic process.

Holy shit! I do this all the time! and then later it triggers social anxiety, because I think people are going to think I’m narcissistic and hate me when all I wanted to do was empathize and demonstrate that they aren’t alone in their feelings.