aprillikesthings:

phoenixsol:

aprillikesthings:

globglobbit
replied to your post “And I still dunno if I’m still really bi and my preference has swung…”

I used to think this like “Hmm I think I’m bi but I’m not really interested in men anymore” turns out I was just gay the entire goddamn time. I think for me it was just like denial + compulsory heterosexuality + feeling like I “can’t afford to be choosy” (ie feeling like no one except men wanted to date me). Not saying that’s necessarily what you’re going through but I thought it might be helpful

¯_(ツ)_/¯

@globglobbit 

I’m not gonna deny that compulsory heterosexuality is a thing and that it’s part of why I’ve dated so few women. But….I really was attracted to men. Hell, with the recent ex, the first time I saw him I went “whoa, that guy is hot.” I hit on him specifically because I wanted to have sex with him, and I really enjoyed having sex with him.

And that’s what feels so odd to me–having that attraction just up and disappear. 

When I came of age sexually I couldn’t understand why anyone would ever want to have sex with someone who wasn’t the same gender as them. Like, how were you even supposed to touch someone’s genitals if they weren’t the same as yours, eeew. I didn’t identify as a lesbian, but honestly I was pretty much exclusively same gender attracted. And then in my late teens and twenties I got increasingly attracted to men. Now that I’m in my thirties I am probably more attracted to women and nonbinary people as a general rule but I remain physically attracted to my husband and every now and again I see a man that makes me think, “hot damn.”

Your attraction to men might come back and it might not. Use whatever labels feel appropriate to you, and date who you’re attracted to.

Yeah, I’m trying to relax about it and not get so hung up on it? I’m queer, I’m mostly into women, that should be enough. 

I mean I know why I’m finding it difficult–both that worry that I’m doing the biphobic “pick a side” thing somehow subconsciously*, and that having a huge part of my identity shift on me like that, a part of me that felt intrinsic to how I define myself, just feels strange. Like what other part of how I define myself can change like that? Am I gonna stop liking bicycles? Am I gonna lose interest in fandom stuff? It’s like waking up one day and looking in the mirror and having some distinctive part of your face change, and having to wonder when the hell that happened, or if anyone else has noticed. 

(*I do feel a sort of strange relief sometimes and then I’m mad at myself for feeling it, even though I understand why I’m feeling it.)

I identified as bi for years, then thought I was just a lesbian, then met my now husband and I was like ok except for that one. (we were friends for quite awhile before I discovered my attraction to him. surprise I’m actually pan and demisexual and was more likely to be close enough to girls to develop attraction to them). Now we are happily poly and I have partners of more multiple genders. I don’ t get it when people just know their orientation and stay that way forever. Must be cool, but in my experience and that of my partners it isn’t usual unless you are straight.