sadpearonmars:

jumpingjacktrash:

cicutadouglasii:

jumpingjacktrash:

roachpatrol:

cicutadouglasii:

cicutadouglasii:

yknow the more jk rowlings world falls apart in america (race relations, international history, population, etc) the more i like to think that america just straight up doesnt have the statute of secrecy. european countries are falling over themselves hiding magic but come to georgia and theres a drunk redneck wizard wingardium leviosa-ing the shit out of a tractor to the delight of his drunk redneck muggle buddies in a walmart parking lot.

wizard on muggle violence is prevented by virtue of there being like a 50/50 chance that muggle is packing heat. muggle on wizard violence is prevented by knowing that wizard can give you boils spelling LIL BITCH on your forehead if you try to start something.

america is the weird redheaded stepchild of the magic world.

im not gonna stop reblogging this until this is the next Hot Fanon

english muggles come back to england and suspicious wizards meet them at the airport. 

‘did you witness any strange or inexplicable acts while you were in america?’ they demand. 

the english muggles just laugh in their dumb fucking faces. mate, it’s america. 

what’s the difference between a werewolf and an animagus?

english wizard: *two hour lecture on legal history*

american wizard: six beers

@jumpingjacktrash congrats ive read hundreds of comments on this dumpster fire of a headcanon and yours is the best

thank you my patronus is a monster truck

Not gonna lie, I kind of love this. It also explains the hell out of a lot of county fairs.

“How do you fry cola?” a tourist asks, looking askance at the booth promising Deep Fried Coca Cola as well as fried cookie dough balls. “That seems impossible.” They still hand over the dollars for a paper cup full of hot fried balls of cola, dusted with powdered sugar. They are incredibly delicious, the cola somehow still fizzing. 

“Family recipe,” Darlene says with a smile, brushing her bangs off her forehead. It’s hot even in September. Her wand is tucked in her belt, beside her giant belt buckle for winning the state barrel racing championships twenty years ago. She has another one at home, for winning the barrel racing championships at the wizard rodeo as well. When her daughter asks whether it is harder to ride horses or magical barrels, Darlene just shrugs. 

“The horses definitely bite less than the barrels.”