So i worked with veterans for a few years.
To me, John is absolutely reminiscent of a lot of the… slightly scarier vets?
Like he absolutely is hyper vigilant
Like… people only picture that as like scared and eyes darting all over the place, panicky, but … it also manifests in a much… slower… more deliberate way of looking around. Walking into a room and taking a quick scan of it to pick out the best way to escape, the most likely looking people to start trouble, mood of the room so you know if you need to play it cool.
So he walks through the door, quick glare at everyone, then a forced smile as he loosens his posture and plays it cool. But the SECOND anything starts turning he isn’t remotely startled, just moves right towards that stack of beer bottles he noticed on his way in, palms it and positions himself where he needs to be in order to take someone out. When the situation cools he’s reluctant to put the bottle down, but he does it anyways. Either spends the rest of the evening hovering near the bottles or else purposely stays away from them, while being incredibly aware of how far away they are.
JOhn’s the type of vet that seems pretty much to be fine, but his family will say hes secretive and more intense than he used to be.
John is the kind that stays completely calm and quiet while someone yells at him, but everything in the set of his jaw and the way he’s shifted his balance, screams out silently ‘please give me a reason, any reason, you have no idea who you’re picking a fight with’
i ADORE john but anytime i see a fic where he is nothing but sweet and understanding, all i can think is how much, to me, JOhn is playing the role of a civilian. He knows how to do it, and most people probably think he plays it flawlessly.
(((sorry mycroft, you have no idea what you’re talking about. PTSD manifests in a lot of ways, and John’s particular version isn’t even rare))
I love this and agree it is so, so John. I come from a military family and there is so much about him that I recognise.
Thank you for writing this! I know next to nothing about PTSD but I’d like to know more.
If you don’t mind me asking: What is your take on John beating Sherlock in The Lying Detective?
First paragraph is my background, skip it if you want to hear my extended John thoughts. Long as SHIT because i have STRONG feelings on the subject and I am a rambler
My job included occasionally interacting with Vets in-person and make scheduling phone calls if staff was tight, but about 95% of my work was reading therapy notes, nightmare diaries, letters, incident reports, and the confidential stuff even the patients don’t get to see. Things like ‘find every single page in this 7,000 page file about their mental state as related to the X incident in X’ so i would have to ACTUALLY READ all of it, it was heavy, i had a breakdown after 3 years, etc, another worker committed suicide doing it, another went gun crazy in the building. HARD job. After all that, my level of empathy here is VERY HIGH, especially since i would follow peoples life-long recovery, so WARNING I GUESS for strong opinions about stuff
In my opinion, John has a form of PTSD that is lifelong, changes the way you see the world so you have to judge everything on the basis of ‘threat’ and ‘not a threat’ and ‘potential threat’. I think he needed help, and while John hadn’t opened up to Ella after a few months home, many vets dont open up for YEARS but they still need the support system. They need to find stability and safety, and as much as i believe he loves Sherlock, sherlock’s life could only exacerbate the problem. His house might be blown up at any minute, he might be thrown in a fire, his friend might shoot guns at the wall.
So John ALWAYS had a near-guarantee of eventually having an ‘episode’
The Fall was traumatizing, Mary turning out to be a Secret Threat was traumatizing, forcing himself to trust her at Sherlock’s reassurances (sherlock telling him that he’s SAFE with her, shes not a threat, shes a comrade-in-arms) and then to have her bleed out? INCREDIBLY traumatic.
I know people dont like the phrase ‘trigger’ but thats the REAL WORD and it doesnt always mean ‘break into sobs’ and it doesnt always mean ‘right now’.
So John, not sleeping, recently in a shoot-out again, had another comrade-in-arms die on him, Sherlock didnt come for him (he said he thought sherlock would but hadnt been interested), John is having auditory and visual hallucinations. He knows he cant trust what he’s seeing or doing, isnt safe, sends Rosie away to somewhere SAFE because he doesn’t know what he will (or wont) do.
Tries to go to therapy, only for the world to crash in on him and tell him he needs to be responsible, sherlock is his responsibility. Sherlock appears to be in an altered, untrustworthy state, John trusts him anyways.
Smith is taunting him, threatening, threatening women and children and doctors and nurses, mocking them, takes them to the morgue, plays with the dead body of a woman in front of him, suddenly Sherlock appears to snap and go into his own episode, wielding a knife, no longer trustworthy
John tries to disarm him, goes too far, locks into fighting, locks into his feelings of not being safe, of being surrounded by threat, having no one trust, not trusting himself, thinking ever since ghost-mary arrived that hes Not Safe
And goes too far
and EPISODE
I know yall think that it was ‘a beating’ and ‘abusive’ but from what i’ve seen (and ive seen a LOT) ptsd vets can do some wild shit that only barely makes sense to them, even afterwards. Thats usually the sort of thing that makes them admit they need help and go to get medication and finally submit themselves to therapy, the therapy John has needed for YEARS. And they almost ALWAYS improve with it, or at least do better, even if thye never get back to ‘normal’
JOhn was left completely adrift with no support system, and honestly beating up a friend that was ALSO having a breakdown while brandishing a knife???? that shit happens so often in active warzones that John probably wouldnt even go off-duty for it.
Tensions are high and John has been taught to treat London as a war zone.
Then afterwards he doesnt beg forgiveness, because he doesnt think he deserves it, doesnt say he wont ever do it again because he didnt intend to do it in the first place. He just tries to push himself away from sherlock (just like rosie, who he also doesnt feel safe with) and get help.
I think when sherlock said ‘maybe we are human– even you’ i think he meant that JOhn had done well trying to hold himself together without any support for so long, and that cracks were inevitable. It is, quite literally, impossible for John to not have ptsd after all that he went through, and the fact that he held together this long is AMAZING and i do NOT judge him for losing control. His control is ALWAYS on, 100% all the time, CONCIOUS control, in martins voice ,eyes, stance, hands, and overall mannerisms. Hes HOLDING himself together. Since Day 1.
HOLDING himself together, CONTROLLED, active effort, not passively ‘fine’ without trying.
He goes right back to therapy days afterwards, too, he doesnt CANCEL his appointment despite ghost-mary going away and sherlocks forgiving him for irrational delusions, he still knows he needs help.
And what happens?
Wow, thank you SO much! This explains so much.
The thing is, I really feel that Martin Freeman has been able to convey all that to me emotionally without me even knowing the first thing about PTSD. I am even more in awe of his acting now.
he does an AMAZING job of conveying it, thats part of what got me into it. Even if the writing, the script itself, doesnt show much evidence of PTSD, Martin jsut freaking /nails/ it, he’s super amazing.
If you would be interested in doing some sort of collection of signs of John’s PTSD as played by Martin Freeman or something like that (maybe with some added info on PTSD?), I would love to do and infographic of it. You can check out the stuff I’ve made so far at www.obotligtnyfiken.se or (less organised) my Tumblr. It would be really nice to use these fandom experiences to help spread awareness or knowledge. Or just Martin Freeman appreciation, there isn’t enough of that in the world. 🙂
RB for additional discussion.
@byjovewhataspend, @sarahthecoat, @obotligtnyfiken, @leavesdancing, @mmmaxi, @merindab and everyone on my fucking dash and every single one of my followers
This post is fucking offensive and I’m tired of fucking seeing it
None of you are fucking veterans
I am a god damned veteran
WE DON’T LIKE BEING CALLED “SCARY”.
WE’RE NOT FUCKING SCARY IF WE HAVE PTSD
STOP FUCKING DEMONIZING/ROMANTISIZING VETERANS AND PTSD
FUCK
OFF
I am a god damned veteran, @trappist1-tony. 23 years, Army and Navy. @merindab is a veteran, too. She didn’t serve as long as I did, but that’s not the point. She is a veteran.
You’re more than welcome to fuck right off and block this post. Hell, block me, too. That’s the beauty of this site- you can block shit you find offensive. I know plenty of people that have stuff blacklisted so they aren’t exposed to it. I do, too. That’s called taking responsibility for your online experience.
PTSD can be scary – both to those who have PTSD and to those whose loved ones have PTSD.
There are people on this post talking about their own experiences with veterans who were dealing with PTSD.
This post is analyzing a character, who is a veteran, who has PTSD, and people see things in the character that ring true – and Martin Freeman is a damned good actor to be able to convey these nuances.
@trappist1-tony I hate to be the one to tell you this, but no two vets or people with PTSD react the same way. There are those who are scary, it’s a fact. It’s not a happy fact, but it is a fact.
I have PTSD, I am not a vet. My step-dad has PTSD he did a tour in Iraq. We both have each and every one of those traits. We both scared other people because of it. We both got treatment, because the people around us tried to be supportive rather than trying to make us ashamed.
There are those vets who don’t get treatment for their PTSD and end up killing someone, accidently more often than not, on instinct. It is a side of PTSD that is not often spoken of, that doesn’t make it any less real. Instead of trying to shame people for having a different experience, try offering compassion. Those who have that type of PTSD need help, not to be made to feel like they can’t be fixed or should hide it. That just makes things worse.
*hugs* @jaimistoryteller. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I know folks with PTSD, both field-related and non-military. It can be scary, and it can be embarrassing, and it can be sad. I’d like to see more PTSD awareness for people to get help when they need it.
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